Don't Laugh at Me: Hogwarts, Year One
by Ima Dark Lady
Summary: Basically, tells the story of Severus Snape, starting the day before his Hogwarts letter arrives. first fic, so tell me how i'm doing, eh? suck at summeries, tho, so just read and review, K?
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** This is the story of Severus Snape, from his first year at Hogwarts to his Death Eater days and beyond.

**Disclaimer:** Trust me, if I owned the Potterverse, I would not be here writing fics for you guys, I would be spending some quality time with Snape and Malfoy. xp Anysomething you don't recognize is probably mine.

**AN:** People are gonna be OOC, though I will make sure Snape has his snarky moments and Lucius will be a complete jerk most of the time. First few chapters are kinda dark, but things should lighten up a bit once he gets to Hogwarts. Not sure though, it's up to you guys if you want it to or not.

**Warning:** Yeah, um, not sure, but I think it's probably a strong T. You know, for language and overall evilness. I mean, come on, this is a Snape fic we're talking about. Some reference may be made to some of the books, i.e. he'll get bullied (OOtP) and he'll make up his own little spells and potions (HBP). sigh Oh, and one more thing—I ramble. Don't believe me? Ask one Lyssa Snape. She's got the best story EVER. It's called Snape Chronicles. You should go check it out. It makes mine look even more crappy, but hey.

**Don't Laugh at Me: Hogwarts, Year One**

_**By Ima Dark Lady**_

Chapter One

The Scottish coastline has always been a place of wonder. A troubled person could sit and watch for hours as the surf blasted away at the rocks. There is a place on the beach that is known by one boy alone—a boy who, like his retreat, is always alone. Though the boy was young, he had already seen much death and destruction. He attempted to escape it all by sitting in his cave over the water, but it was in vain.

The boy sitting in the darkness glanced at the sky and stood hurriedly. If he didn't hurry, his father would beat him home.

Tobias Snape was a man who stood for no nonsense. His word was the law and anyone found disobeying it would suffer serious consequences. He was a hard man and not even his wife, Eileen, could sway him. His presence evoked a sort of fearful respect in their neighborhood, as did most of the men from Spinner's End.

The long- black-haired boy jogged along the muddy river for a while before reaching the turn signaling his neighborhood. He slowed to a walk as he approached the river, and when he began to wade across he was barely moving so as to make no noise. He crept up the opposite bank and lay flat on his stomach, searching for any sign of life. Seeing none, he scurried across the street before coming to an abrupt stop in the alleyway. He paused, surveyed the street, ran across, hopped a dilapidated fence, and paused again in the next alley. He had just stepped onto the street when a yell broke the silence, followed quickly by a loud scream. He jumped back quickly, not wanting to be seen. He silently prayed to any deity who happened to be listening at the moment that he wouldn't be seen as the yells grew louder, and it had been a full twenty minutes before he could continue again.

Finally reaching a sign announcing Spinner's End, he hurried to the last house and silently opened the door. He crept down the hall and had made it halfway up the stairs before he was spotted.

"Severus Snape! Where _have_ you _been_!" came the shrill, panicked voice of Eileen Snape.

"I was at the caves. Sorry," he mumbled. His onyx eyes widened fearfully. "He isn't here yet, is he?" he whispered.

"Not yet. But he's due any moment," she shuddered slightly, before sending her only son a small smile. "Why don't you run along upstairs? Don't stay up too late. I'm taking you into town tomorrow to celebrate your birthday."

Severus looked at her doubtfully, but continued upstairs. He walked to the third door on the left and entered it. He gazed dejectedly at his 'bedroom'; in the far left corner was a small cot, in the far right a pile of books, and by the door on the left was a small switch that controlled the single bulb that lighted the small square room. It appeared even smaller due to the bare walls and floor.

Plopping down on his bed, he closed his eyes as the front door slammed shut, signaling the arrival of his father.

He sighed as his father's yells and mother's cries filled the air. This was going to be one long night.

_Who knows? Maybe he's so drunk he's forgotten about me._

"BOY! GET DOWN HERE! NOW!"

_Oh, well. Should have known I couldn't be so lucky._

**AN:** I know it's kinda short, but they should lengthen with proper motivation, i.e., reviews cough cough, hint hint Like I said, it's up to you guys (if anyone's even reading it) whether or not it lightens up. So, what do you think about it so far? Okay? Crap? Let me know, so I can fix it if it needs it (which I'm sure it does). Cyber cookies to all my reviewers! Now, even though this is my first fic (to post, anyway) I don't want you to go easy on me. Oh, and I need a beta. Anyone interested? It's quite apparent that I am in need of one—I mean, come on, this is crap, no? sigh NEhoo, if you want to see something happen, let me know.

**Next Chapter:** Sev's letter arrives and a trip to Diagon Alley. So, what sort of pet should our young friend get? Owl or cat? (I have this thing with amphibians—don't like 'em. Sorry.) Or, should he be a rebel and have one of each?

Once again, this is Ima Dark Lady saying TTFN (Ta-Ta For Now)


	2. Chapter 2

**I have not acquired the Potterverse in the past week, so no, I don't own it.**

**AN: Many props to my first reviewer, Marauder3Moony. Yay! Thanks again for reviewing, and let me know how you like this chapter.**

**Chapter Two**

Severus woke slowly to a bright light in his eyes. Squinting, he carefully raised himself to a sitting position and looked around. Why was he on the floor in the sitting room? Oh, father. Severus winced as he recalled scenes from the previous night.

Something had caused him to be upset. Well, more so than was usual. He had called the boy down and began screaming about freaks not being welcome in the family. Severus didn't understand what he was going on about, but had discovered long ago that 'I agree perfectly, Father' was always better than 'I don't understand, sir' and _never_ was there to be an 'I disagree, sir.' Tobias seemed extremely pleased at his son's agreement.

"I'm glad you see it my way, boy," he had grinned. "There's only one way to get it out too, don't you agree?"

"Yes, sir," he had foolishly replied. Never before had he felt such pain as when his father decided to 'beat the freak out of him'.

Just then, Eileen bustled into the room. "Ah, you're awake. Come; let me have a look at you." She gently ran her hands over his face and shoulders, searching for injuries. "Hmm, only a few bruises and cuts. Nothing serious. How does your head feel?"

"Like I've run headlong into a brick wall," Severus rubbed the back of his head gingerly. "What happened to it? I don't remember much."

"Well, you were doing pretty well, until he picked up the poker. Sensing how much it scared you, he advanced with it. You ducked when he swung and he threw you against the wall and left. Hasn't been back since. Now, go get ready. I'll not let anything spoil my baby's big day."

"Mum, I'm not a baby," Severus mock-growled. Actually, he had nearly forgotten that today was his eleventh birthday.

"No matter how old you get, you'll always be my ba—" she was cut off when an owl swooped into the room. It dropped a letter at their feet and swooped back out.

"What was that about?" Severus asked.

Eileen kneeled and picked up the letter. "Oh, Severus! It's for you!"

Severus was slightly confused but reached for the letter and read the envelope- 'Mr. S. Snape, Sitting Room, 14 Spinners End, Scotland'. He glanced at his mother's blissful expression as he opened the thick yellow envelope. Inside was a letter written on the same thick parchment with the same glittering green ink. He slowly read it aloud:

Hogwarts School

_of _Witchcraft and Wizardry

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

Dear Mr. Snape,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.

Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

"What is this? Some kind of joke?"

"No, sweetheart, it isn't. I myself went to Hogwarts. Oh, I'm so proud of you! We'll get your things today."

"What does it mean—'we await your owl'?"

"The magic community uses owls instead of post."

"Oh. Can, um... well, I mean... can you do magic?"

"Yes, I can. Would you like to see?"

Several hours later the two were exiting the apothecary. "I believe that covers all the supplies," Eileen commented as she checked the list. "Yes, that's everything. All that's left is a pet and wand. They're both down here."

They walked for a minute before she announced, "Here we are. Olivanders."

Severus followed his mother as she entered the building. "Be with you in a moment," called a voice from the back. A moment later a short old man hobbled to the counter. "Ah, Phoenix tail feather, mahogany ten inches. Haven't seen you in quite some time."

Eileen smiled. "Hello, Mr. Olivander. We're here to get my son his first wand."

"Ah, starting school this year, are you? Hogwarts, I presume?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good, good. Just need to get your measurements," he tottered around the counter and conjured a tape measurer out of the air. "Hold out your wand arm, please."

Severus glanced at his mother quizzically. "It doesn't matter which one, dear. Just the one you'll be using the most." She then glanced at Mr. Olivander and added, "He's ambidextrous."

"Really? Don't get many wizards born that way. Was he taught?"

"No, actually. We just noticed that he didn't favor either hand and decided not to influence him in any way and see what happened."

"Is that so? Interesting," he muttered as he measured Severus's left arm. He then tottered off behind the counter and carried several long boxes back up front. "Here, try this one first."

Severus picked up the red wand and gave it a bit of a flick. When nothing happened, Olivander took it from him and shoved another in it's place. This continued for quite some time, and after many trips to the back for more boxes, the boy was certain he was being a menace.

"No, no," the old man was quick to correct, "I love the challenge."

Eventually, he gave the lad a speculative gaze. "I wonder..." He brought a dusty box and placed it on the counter. "Try this one."

Severus opened the black box and was amazed to find that, unlike the previous ones, the inside of this box was lined with red velvet. In the center lay the most marvelous wand he had ever seen. "Ash, fourteen inches, heartstring of a particularly powerful dragon whose origin is unknown. My ancestor crafted this wand and the species was recorded as 'black dragon'."

Severus gazed at the smoky-toned wand a bit longer before gingerly taking it in his grasp. The moment his fingers closed around the end felt like coming home. He was surrounded by a swirling mist for a moment, and when it had cleared he saw the look of astonishment in the elder man's eyes.

"Amazing. Simply marvelous."

"How much for it, sir?"

"What was that, m'boy?"

"I asked how much the wand cost?"

"Nothing. I couldn't possibly charge you for that wand."

"Sir?"

"No, I insist. Just take good care of it, eh?" he chuckled.

Eileen ushered her son outside after a quick farewell and directed him toward their final destination. Upon entering the shop, his mother stopped him. "Do you know what you want?"

"Um, what were my choices again?"

"A cat, toad, rat, or owl."

"Which is the cheapest?"

"Don't worry about the cost, dear, just get what you want."

"That takes money, mum, and we don't really have very much, you know," he responded skeptically.

"Nonsense, son. We don't have much Muggle money, true, but you have one of the largest fortunes in the wizarding world. Equal to that of the Malfoy's, at least."

"Malfoys?"

"Sorry, dear. Their an aristocratic family. Very old lineage, and all are purebloods."

"Oh, um, okay."

"Just chose a pet, dear."

"Right." He wandered about the shop, looking at all of the strange creatures there. Finally he had narrowed his choices down to two options: a snowy-white owl or an adorable cat. His decision was soon made for him—the cat leaped into his arms and began to purr loudly as he rubbed his head against Severus' chest.

He carried him up front and showed him to his mother. The cat was a male American Shorthair and was colored similar to a Siamese. The differences were that his 'white' was slightly dusty looking and his face was round rather than pointed. His eyes were a deep blue and he was apparently very affectionate.

"Good choice," grinned the young woman behind the counter. "He doesn't have a name yet, so you can chose whatever you like."

After they had paid for him, the trio went outside, the cat still in his new master's arms. "What are you going to name him?" Eileen asked.

Severus looked into the cat's eyes for a moment and grinned. "Mugsey."

"Mugsey? What an odd name."

"It is, isn't it? What about you boy? Do you like it?" The cat purred louder, if possible, and the mother and son laughed together.

"Come along, then. We'd best be getting home."

Something struck Severus then and he began to grow apprehensive. "Does father know? About Hogwarts, I mean."

"Don't worry about that. I have already devised a suitable story. Actually, your father thinks that Hogwarts is a school for only the most intelligent in all of Briton. He has been hoping to sign you up since before you were born."

"Really? That long?"

"Yes. And don't worry about the supplies. To him, they will look like ordinary school books and he won't suspect a thing. All you have to do is keep your head down for a few months and keep Mugsey hidden, and on September first you leave to your first year at Hogwarts. Doesn't that sound wonderful?"

"You said first year? Does that mean there are more after that? How long do I get to attend?"

"Seven years," she answered. "You will have two months of summer vacation in between each year. You may also return home at Christmas, if you like, but that is entirely up to you. Now, let's get this stuff home, eh?"

**TBC...**

**AN: Yay! Chapter two is now posted! Go me. lol and it's longer than last time. Six pages an all. Oh, and Mugsey? Yeah, he's real. Right now, he's outside with all my other cats; Figaro, aka Figgy, and Mini Figgy are the females and Mugsey, Salazar, Miroku, and Shippo are the males. I've also got an inside cat named Sylvester (he's Figgy's brother, and Figgy is the mother of everyone else save Salazar and Miroku, who is Mini's. Not sure where Shippo came from...). NEhoo, see that button down there on the left? No the bottom left. The OTHER left. Yes, that one. Press it and tell me what you think so far. Please? Remember, the more reviews I get, the sooner I post new chapters. hint hint NEhoo, reckon that's it for now, sooo...**

**Next chapter: Severus boards the Hogwarts Express.**

**TTFN **


	3. Chapter 3

**And here is Sirius, letting you know who owns it all.**

**Sirius: She owns nothing.**

**Me: Oh, yeah? Then who does?**

**Sirius: The honorable Lady Rowling.**

**Me: Surely you can't be serious?**

**Sirius: I am Sirius. And don't call me Shirley. **

**Yay, I'm back! Did ya'll miss me? No? Hmm, probably cuz I've been talkin to ever' one practically every day. Well, let me rephrase that: I've been talkin to those lovely people who reviewed. Those lovely people are the best in the world—they are Marauder3Moony, Snapes' True Love, and Lyssa Snape. You guys rock! Well, reckon I'll quit wasting my time and get out of your way. Now, on with the show! And no, I'm not listening to _The Phantom of the Opera_ while I'm writing this... okay, maybe I am. Wanna make somethin of it? grins I just love Gerard Butler. **

**Chapter Three**

"Severus! Breakfast is ready!" Eileen called as she knocked on his door.

"Nnnpphhhhh."

"Severus, darling, are you awake?"

"I'm up," Severus yawned.

"Hurry and get dressed. Breakfast is on the table. We've just enough time to eat and get there in time."

Severus climbed from under his blanket and threw on a pair of faded black jeans and a black sweater. What was so important about today? After all, something was supposed to happen, but he just couldn't remember what...

Tying his shoelaces, he realized what was so important about today—today was September first. Today was the day he left to go to his new school. From what his mother had told him, Hogwarts sounded perfect. He couldn't wait to get there and see it for himself.

He raced downstairs and skidded to a stop in the kitchen. Hearing her son's race through the house made her look up from the eggs that she was currently dividing between the two of them.

"Good morning, luv. How was your night?"

"Perfect."

Eileen laughed at her son's blissful expression. "Was it, now?" She placed the two plates on the small table and they both began to eat in a comfortable silence. Eileen had prepared eggs, toast, and bacon because she knew how much her son loved it. As soon as they were finished and the dishes were put away, the two turned to each other.

"How are we going to get there?"

"We'll take the night bus, of course. Now, run along and fetch your things and we'll be off."

Sometime later found the two of them standing at Kings Cross between platforms nine and ten. Severus looked around but didn't see the sign announcing nine and three-quarters.

"Mum, where is it?" he asked.

"Just here, between platforms nine and ten. See the barrier between the two?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Walk into it."

"Ma'am?" Severus was starting to fear for his mother's sanity. After all, who ever heard of having to walk into a brick wall in order to board a train?

"Remember, things are not always as they appear in the magical world. Trust me. Here, hold my hand and we'll do it together. Ready?" He nodded. "Count of three. One, two, three, go," she confidently walked forward and Severus went along with her. He braced himself as he neared the wall and closed his eyes as he walked, but was surprised as he did not collide with anything.

Opening his eyes he was amazed to see a platform that had not been there before. Looking behind him he saw a brick wall. How had that happened?

"Come along, dear, or we'll be late," Eileen smiled softly.

Severus nodded and started forward, dragging his trunk behind him. They made their way across the crowded platform towards the large train. Once there, Eileen stopped and turned to her son.

"Oh, Severus, you're going to have so much fun there. Do remember to write."

"Of course I will, Mum."

Eileen sighed wistfully. "My little baby is of to his first year of Hogwarts. You're going to be so happy there. You'll make friends and you'll learn so much new stuff and...and..."

Severus was afraid she was about to burst into tears for a second before she noticed someone behind him.

"Eileen, darling, so good to see you again. How have you been?" smiled a woman looking to be about the same age as she was.

"I've been well, Christine. You?"

"Lovely. And who is this fine young gentleman?" Christine asked as she gazed down at Severus.

"Have we really been apart so long? This is my son, Severus. He starts Hogwarts this year."

"Does he really? Simply amazing. I assume he takes after his father in appearances?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Eileen laughed. "Severus, dear, this is your Aunt Christine Prince."

"Not anymore, love. We have been out of touch, haven't we? It's Christine Malfoy now."

"Malfoy? Ah, so you and ole Charles finally got together, eh?"

"Yes, we did," laughed her sister.

"Always knew you'd end up together. So, what brings you here?"

"I also have a son attending Hogwarts. He is, however, in second year. Lucius, come meet your aunt and her son," she called over her shoulder.

Lucius Malfoy soon appeared at his mother's side. His flowing white-blonde hair was flowing down to his waist and his cool grey eyes held Severus in awe as he gazed at him.

"Hello. Lucius Malfoy," he stated as he held out his hand.

"Severus Snape," he replied as he shook the offered hand.

"Know which House you'll be in?"

"House?"

"Guess you never really know until you're sorted, though, do you?" Seeing his cousin's blank expression, he added, "You do know about the Houses, do you not?"

"Should I?"

Lucius sighed. "Come along. I'll explain everything on the train." He took hold of his trunk and waited for Severus to do the same before turning to the women.

"Good bye, Mother. See you at Christmas."

"Bye, Mum."

"Have a good year, darling," Christine nodded.

"Don't forget to write, Severus. Don't get into too much trouble."

"I won't, Mum."

"Don't worry. I shall look out for him. After all, he is family," Lucius nodded to Eileen as he placed an arm around Severus' shoulders.

"Thank you, Lucius. I would appreciate it."

"You had best hurry, boys, or the train will leave without you," Christine pointed out.

"Of course. Come along, Severus, and we shall find us a compartment to ourselves."

Severus waved to his mother as he followed his cousin. They walked along the corridor before finding an empty compartment near the back. After the trunks were stored, they sat opposite each other and let their pets out of their carriers. Lucius had a beautiful white owl that was named Herod. It took only a moment to teach Mugsey to leave the bird alone, although it appeared that he would rather rub his head against it than eat it.

The train soon began to move and they were silent for a bit longer before Lucius turned to him.

"So, how much do you know about Hogwarts?"

"Just that Mum went there to learn magic. Not much more, really."

"Well, Hogwarts is divided into four Houses. They are Slytherin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor," Severus couldn't help but notice the disgust in his voice when Lucius said the last.

"I take it you don't like Gryffindor?"

"No self-respecting person does. No, the best House is Slytherin. With any luck, you'll be placed there."

"Is that where you are? Slytherin, I mean."

"But of course."

The rest of the journey was passed by Lucius telling him all he could about Hogwarts—the students to avoid, the teachers, the subjects, and even of meals in the Great Hall. The only breaks were when the lady with the snack cart came by and when a couple of Lucius' friends came by to talk for a moment.

After they were silent for a bit, Lucius stood and announced that he should change into his school robes, as they would be there in a few minutes. Just as he had said, about ten minutes later they had pulled to a stop and the first years were being called aside by a giant of a man.

"See you at the Sorting," Lucius nodded as he went off with his friends.

Severus stood for a moment before climbing into the small boat in front of him. Lucius had warned him that first years were escorted across the lake, but he still was reluctant to enter the boat. He definitely did not like water.

He looked up at the castle as the boats started to move. He was looking forward to his first year at Hogwarts. From what Lucius had told him, he was in for an interesting year. Little did he know, his life was about to change drastically. This very night, something would happen that would change his life for ever.

**TBC...**

**AN: Yay! We're at Hogwarts! Sorry it took so long. Please don't kill me! cowers So, th-th-th-that's all, folks (this chapter, mind). Review and tell me what you think of it. (beg, much?) And don't worry, Severus and Lucius will be evil. Lucius is just waiting until the time is right to show his true colors. Severus will be whatever Lucius influences him to be. So, yes, he will eventually be eviler. (is that even a word?) Once again, many thanks to those who have reviewed. To those who read and don't review, I do know you're there. Please at least drop by and give a message of at least one letter, or even a blank one with your name on it. It will make me feel much better, and I just may even update a bit faster (just a hint). NEhoo, reckon I've bored you enough, so...**

**TTFN **


	4. Sorry, Guys

Sorry about this, guys. I know, I haven't updated in quite a while and you probably hate me. I do have a reason, though. My uncle has been dieing from cancer for several months, and he had been getting pretty bad right before Christmas. We didn't even think that he would make it until then, but he did. He died late Friday night (the weekend of the new year) and we've been with my aunt, helping with the funeral and everything, which was earlier this past week. I had the next four or five chapters typed up already, but my mom found them right after we got back from the funeral and showed them to everyone, and they're all thinking that I need therapy or something. Actually, I don't need therapy, it was just an angsty story to begin with. sigh the day my family stays out of my life will be the day to celebrate. Consequently, I've been banned from writing fanfics for a while, so I won't be posting for who-knows-how-long. I can still read fics, tho, which is a miracle. And, to Lyssa, yes, I do get to continue being your beta, cuz they don't know I have an e-mail account (the morons).

Once again, I'm really sorry I didn't let you know sooner. shrugs at least I'm not having to stop at a cliffhanger (and the next chapter had one, too.) as soon as my writing privileges are returned, I'll try to come back to this story. Chances are, I'll have lost my inspiration by then, but that's life for you. NEhoo, I reckon I'll best be letting you get on with whatever it is you're about to be doing. And thanks for understanding.

TTFN


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